Poor Unfortunate Souls
by Suki-Itami
Summary: A songfic to "Poor Unfortunate Souls" ---Full summary inside--- Kyouya has always had a peculiar ability to be able to give anyone whatever they wanted, no matter how unattainable it seems...


_**Summary: **__Kyouya has always had a peculiar ability to be able to give anyone whatever they wanted, no matter how unattainable it seems. Whether it's relationships, weight loss, or anything else, he's always able to help. Of course, those who seek his help have to pay a price, no matter how strange it seems. When Haruhi goes to him to ask for help to get Tamaki's attention, what will be Kyouya's price…?_

_**Warning: **__Language_

_**A/N:**__ I might have changed up personalities a bit for the sake of the fanfic, but I don't think it was too much._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't see the point of this, because if I owned Ouran High School Host Club, then I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it!_

…

Kyouya sighed and walked into his room. It had been a long day; it always was when Tamaki has another one of his "amazing" ideas. In this case, the Host Club, and Haruhi, ended up running around playing Alice in Wonderland. It made him wonder how they got anything serious does.

Kyouya stripped off his shirt and was about to get into bed when his door opened. He turned around and saw Tamaki standing there.

"What do you want?" Kyouya sighed again.

Tamaki scowled, "What's the 'price' to make you stop making everyone's lives at the school miserable?!"

"Miserable?" The black-haired boy laughed. "They come to me seeking guidance, and I give it to them, nothing like what I used to do."

"It's because of that damned gift you have, isn't it?!"

"What if it is? If I can help people, you shouldn't complain."

"You're not help—"

"Compared to how I used to work, this is helping people!" Kyouya chuckled. "Besides, it always seems to work out in the end."

…

_I admit that in the past I've been a nasty_

_They weren't kidding when they called me kinda strange_

_But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways_

_Repented, seen the light, and made a change_

…

Tamaki growled. "Just stop!"

Kyouya started laughing then. He sat down on the edge of his bed. "Is this the…service, I suppose you could call it, that you ask of me?"

Tamaki stiffened. "What if it is?"

"A price is required, of course."

"If I give you that price, will you stop?" The blonde-haired boy asked.

"Of course. That is what I do."

"What's your price?"

Kyouya chuckled again and stood back up. "Well, that would have to be…your love for Haruhi."

Tamaki's face hardened as he said, "No."

"Then I won't stop. That's how it works."

"I couldn't give that up, even though she doesn't notice me." Tamaki turned and walked out of the room.

Kyouya chuckled to himself. "Well, well, this is an interesting turn of events." He laid down on his bed and went to sleep.

…

The next morning, Kyouya was walking towards the Host Club room when he was approached from behind… Okay, so he wasn't approached, he was being stalked.

He stopped and looked behind him just in time to see Haruhi dart behind a pillar. He sighed. "Haruhi, come here."

The black-haired girl poked her head out from behind the pillar for a moment before walking towards the boy she had been following. "Yes?"

"Why were you following me?"

"I'm heading to the same place as you…?"

"If you were, you wouldn't have hid."

Haruhi sighed. "Fine… Well…I need some help, and I've heard that you can help anyone."

Kyouya smirked; he knew what was coming. "You've heard right, I can help with any problem you have."

…

_And I fortunately know a little secret_

_It's a talent that I always have possessed_

…

"Well, I wanted to make sure that this wasn't some sort of hoax first." Haruhi admitted with a light blush.

Kyouya full out smiled, he got this a lot. "Yes, yes. I can show you my miraculous works. Most of them we can probably see on the way to the Host Club room."

Haruhi looked up at him and nodded. "Okay."

The two continued walking in the direction they had been going, making idle chitchat along the way. When they stopped, they were in front of a window. Kyouya pointed down into the courtyard in front of the school where a supermodel thin girl with long bleach blonde hair was standing, talking with her friends.

"That one was over-weight only a month ago." Kyouya smirked. He was proud of that one, which was his best achievement yet.

"What was her price?" Haruhi prodded.

He looked her; he hadn't expected that question, but he answered it regardless. "Her price was her ability to dance. She can't even do proper turn now." He leaned against the wall. "The boy standing next to her, her boyfriend, wanted to date her so bad a week ago that his best friend is now lying in a grave about ten miles from here."

Haruhi gasped at the thought. _Surely, t-that can't be true. _She faced him. "Show me one more."

Kyouya smirked again. "Gladly." He led her over to where a brown-haired boy was getting her legs examined. "Two months ago, he was in a wheelchair. Now, he can walk completely on his own."

…

_And dear lady, please don't laugh_

_I use it on behalf_

_Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic!)_

_Poor unfortunate souls_

_In pain_

_In need_

_This one longing to be thinner_

_That one wants to get the girl_

_And do I help them?_

_Yes indeed!_

…

Haruhi's eyes narrowed. "His price?"

"Hehe. I didn't think you would ask." He looked at her. "His price was his perfect, straight-A mind. He now has the same grades as the rest of us… Do you believe me?"

"…Yeah…I somehow believe this."

"That's good. I hate gloating." Kyouya smiled and grabbed her hand, leading her in the direction of the Host Club room.

It was true; he hated gloating, regardless of the many people he helped out. Of course, he only hated gloating because then he'd have to admit that he enjoyed his end of the bargain over helping those who needed the help.

…

_Those poor unfortunate souls_

_So sad_

_So true_

_They come flocking to me crying,_

"_Will you help us, pretty please?"_

_And I help them!_

_Yes I do!_

…

Haruhi stopped suddenly and pulled her hand from Kyouya's. He stopped and looked back at her confusingly, not understanding why she stopped.

_Surely she doesn't want to make a deal now…it's too open for me to do anything. _Kyouya thought, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm not willing to make a deal yet, I just want some advice for now. If it doesn't work, I'll make a deal."

Kyouya shrugged. That's how things went sometimes, he just got used to it after a while. "That's fine. There's no price for advice, since it normally ain't the best. Just ask away."

"How can get Tamaki's attention? Is there a simple way? I've tried everything."

"Well, men of his social level – like myself – like quiet women. Which, you are clearly not."

Haruhi tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Quiet women?"

He nodded. "Yes, quiet."

"But, Tamaki's swarmed by a lot of girls everyday who talk constantly. He seems to like it."

"He indulges them just to tease them."

"Oh!"

"The truth is…" Kyouya then went on and on for five minutes about how men of his and Tamaki's stature prefer quiet women as opposed to women who constantly talk.

…

_The men up there don't like a lot of blabber_

_They think a girl who gossips is a bore!_

_Yes, on land, it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word_

_And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?_

…

Haruhi stopped him by starting to say, "So, even if I was your type…"

Kyouya nodded. "You talk too much, I would never be interested." Which was a lie, he adored her because of her beautiful voice, but after what he had said, he would never be able to openly admit it.

"Oh…" She brought her index finger to her lips, thinking. "I guess I'll try it."

He nodded again. "Just remember, don't speak unless spoken to. Tamaki will like that in you."

…

_They're not all that impressed with conversation_

_True gentlemen avoid when they can_

_But they dote and swoon and fawn_

_On ladies who withdrawn_

_It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man_

…

Haruhi smiled at Kyouya. "Thanks Kyouya." She walked past him into the room.

He smirked again as he watched the girl walked into the Host Club room. He leaned against the wall, piecing together the parts of his plan that would ultimately lead to best thing that ever happened to him. Two people would pay a dear price, and, in the end, he would be the one to be the happiest.

"Kyouya, come on!" Honey said as he ran past the elder boy.

Kyouya chuckled. "I'm coming." He walked into the Host Club room, surprised to find that Haruhi was quietly sitting next to Tamaki as he talked to Kaoru, (_Or is it Hikaru? _Kyouya thought, confused, as always about the twins).

But that silence Haruhi was trying to keep lasting all of two minutes. As Kyouya began taking to Hikaru, (or maybe Kaoru), Haruhi suddenly screamed:

"No, Kaoru, Tamaki could totally kick your ass at a fighting game!" She blushed when she realized she'd broken her silence where she wasn't wanted.

Kyouya chuckled. _Seems like everything's going according to plan. _He looked at Hikaru with a straight face. "Want to play chess?"

Hikaru chuckled once. "Are you kidding me? I learned that lesson once. I'm not playing against you again."

Kyouya sighed. "I figured as much. But I thought I'd ask."

For another forty minutes, they all sat around talking. Haruhi was trying her absolute best to stay quiet – which Kyouya definitely noticed – but was failing miserably.

Once everyone started leaving, Kyouya waited for Haruhi outside of the Host Club's room. When she walked out and approached him, he said:

"I saw you tried hard."

"Yeah, I did…but I just can't be quiet long enough for Tamaki to notice." Haruhi sighed and hung her head.

"Well, do you want more advice?"

…

_Poor unfortunate souls_

_Go ahead!_

_Make your choice!_

…

"No." She looked up at him. "I'm willing to make a deal. A deal that will get Tamaki to notice me."

Kyouya nodded once. "Very well then. Follow me." He led her back to his room.

"Close the door." He said as he unbuttoned his school issued jacket.

Haruhi closed the door and followed him over to his bed. "Well?"

"It's a simple enough task. As for the price…" He smirked.

…

_I'm a very busy person and I haven't got all day_

_It won't cost much_

…

"You have to give up your voice."

…

_Just your voice!_

…

"What?" Haruhi was confused. "You've gotta be kidding me. There's no way you could—"

Kyouya chuckled. "I showed you whom I took away dancing skills, a best friend, and the smartest brain in the school from. You don't believe I can take your voice…?"

"No, I don't."

"Well, then. I can take something else." He grabbed her wrist and threw her down on his bed, getting on top of her just as fast. "How about your virginity? You know I can take that."

…

_Those poor unfortunate souls_

_So sad_

_So true_

…

Haruhi gulped. "N-No, you can't do that!"

"I can, if you want that to be the price instead of your voice." He said seriously.

"I know…but, I'm the lead singer for the school's musicals…" She grabbed her throat. "Even if you could, I would be letting a lot of people down by giving up my voice."

"Then, I guess this is you choice." He leaned down and bit her neck softly.

…

_If you wanna cross the bridge, my sweet_

_You've got to pay the toll_

_Take a gulp_

_Take a breath_

…

"N-No!" Haruhi pushed him off of her. "Okay, take my voice!"

…

_Go ahead_

_Sign the scroll_

_Flotsam, Jetsam_

_Now I've got her, boys_

…

Kyouya smirked again. "I knew you'd see it my way." He reached out and grabbed her neck. "This won't hurt, I promise."

They sat there like that for nearly five minutes before he released her throat. He smiled and said that he was done, and that her voice was gone.

Haruhi opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. _What?!_

…

_The boss is on a roll_

_You poor unfortunate souls_

…

"I'll make a deal of my own with you." Kyouya said, still smiling. "If you can convince Tamaki that the two of you have nothing but pure, untainted love, within three days, then I'll give you back your voice. If you can't, you and your voice belong to me."

Haruhi eyed him like he was playing a prank, but he quickly reassured her that he was a man of his word. Just as he was about to start up a one-sided conversation, the door opened and Tamaki walked in.

"Kyouya, I needed to talk…" He trailed off when he saw Haruhi sitting in front of Kyouya on his bed with a hickey on her neck. "What the fuck is going on?!"

Haruhi's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to tell him nothing happened, but she couldn't. _No! Tamaki, no!_

…

_In pain_

_In need_

_This one longing to be thinner_

_That one wants to get the girl_

_And do I help them?_

_Yes indeed!_

…

Kyouya smiled at the blonde-haired boy. "Nice of you to stop in. You needed to talk to me?"

"Yes." Tamaki all but growled.

"Fine then." Kyouya looked at Haruhi. "Could you please wait for us outside the door? It'll only take a moment."

Haruhi nodded and stood up. She walked outside of the door, but kept it cracked so she could hear everything that was going on.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Tamaki screamed. "How could you drag Haruhi into this?!"

"Drag her into what?" Kyouya questioned.

"This madness!"

"I didn't drag her into anything, she came willingly. And I even granted her a favor."

Haruhi froze. She knew how much Tamaki despised Kyouya's gift, if he said something like that then Tamaki might not give her a chance to convince him of their love within the time limit!

…

_Those poor unfortunate souls_

_So sad_

_So true_

…

Tamaki started shaking with rage. "Haruhi actually came to you?! For what?!"

Kyouya chuckled. "I assume you know."

Tamaki growled and said, "Fine! I may not like your 'gift', but I'm willing to make a deal!"

Haruhi cracked the door open just a little more so that she could see.

"The deal from earlier…? My gift vanishes if you give me your love for Haruhi…?" Kyouya half asked.

Haruhi gasped as she heard Tamaki say, "Yes."

She threw open the door as Kyouya put a hand on Tamaki's shoulder. Haruhi wrapped her arms around the blonde-haired boy, hoping that he would pull away from Kyouya.

…

_They come flocking to me crying,_

"_Will you help us, pretty please?"_

_And I help them!_

_Yes I do!_

…

Once Kyouya took his hand off of Tamaki's shoulder, Haruhi let go of him too. She looked up with hopeful eyes as he faced her.

Tamaki looked down at her and asked, "What's wrong, Haruhi?"

Haruhi flinched and tried to tell him that she loved him, but once again nothing came out. _No! No, no, no! Tamaki, please!_

"You can't talk?" Tamaki opened her mouth and looked at her throat. "Maybe you have a sore throat." He grabbed her wrist. "Come on, I'll take you to the infirmary for a cough drop."

…

_Those poor unfortunate souls_

…

Haruhi looked back as Kyouya was smirking and mouthing, _"You belong to me now." _Tears welled up in her eyes as she left the room with the romance that failed before it began.


End file.
